Being mommy and trying to make it all work!

This is us. The Paff Family. Michael, myself, Luci, and Nora (pictured above in my belly). We have been a family of four for a little over 6 weeks now. It is crazy to think that we were just a family of three doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted and now it has all changed. Nora is a wonderful blessing in my life and I didn't realize how much love you could have for someone who is so small. Everyday is a roller coaster of emotions and activities. No two days are alike. This makes for some interesting moments for me.

You always have this picture of what motherhood is going to be and how you will react to it. Well, I have completely thrown that picture out the window. I have worked with children all of my life and this experience is nothing compared to those moments. Being a mommy to Nora is by far the hardest and greatest thing I have ever done in my life. It is crazy to think that I carried and nurtured this little girl for nine months and then she enters into the world in a wild fashion and they just send her home with me. The first day we were home I will never forget walking into the house and taking Nora to her room and just standing there and thinking to myself, "what do I do next?" We figured out the next thing and keep taking it one day at a time. I am so grateful for all of our friends and family that have visited, cooked, or just plain sat with me in the past six weeks. You will never truly know how much it means to us!

 When I found out I was pregnant I decided that I was going to breastfeed 100% and nothing was going to stand in my way. In the past six weeks, lots of things have stood in my way. We have had weight issues, supplementing, and crying sessions (by both of us). Breastfeeding has been on of the hardest parts for me. I went into it thinking this will be simple and she will nurse and grow. It has not been the case and has been the cause of some very emotional moments in my household. It was very hard to face the fact that Nora had to supplement with formula because of her weight loss. I felt like a failure to her because I could not provide her with what she needed. Michael helped me with this so much because I now know that either way she is getting what she needs to grow and that is most important. We are still having to give her a bottle with each feeding but I would say that 90% of it is BM now and that makes me feel good. There are times where I have wanted to give up and just let her have formula but we are still fighting through it. My goal is to make it to her 2 month check up and review the situation then. I have debated to pump only but I feel that I would miss the relationship we have created through nursing. Taking this relationship away from her causes me to feel guilt. I am torn. This issue is on my mind daily and probably more of a cause of tiredness than Nora is right now. I want to do what is best for my sweet girl but sometimes I question my sanity in it.

Here are some pictures of  little miss: These are some of her newborn pictures taken by a friend of ours! I love them and will treasure them forever. She doesn't even look like this baby anymore.

Nora is now 6 weeks old! I can't believe how time has flown by. She is incredible and changing daily. She is an amazing little one and we are so lucky to have her in our lives.

Somethings that I want to remember: 
*She has started to smile and it the cutest thing!
*She loves to be wrapped in the Moby or ring sling.
*She enjoys being outside (even with her little allergies).
*She has to know what is going on around her at all times. Her head control is amazing!
*She could care less about her puppy Luci and Luci could care less about her. (I was a hot mess worrying about this)
*Her snuggles are the highlight of my day.
*She cannot stand being naked, having her diaper changed, or taking a bath. (Mike says the being naked thing needs to stay this way so he doesn't have to hurt someone later in life)