T minus 11 days and counting...

The dreaded time has come...back to work I go. A week from Monday is my first official day back at work. I left work on February 22th and had Nora 2 days later. Having been away for so long, I have mixed emotions about this. On one hand I am ready to get back into a routine and have more adult interaction in my life. Lol! The other side is that I am leaving my sweet girl for 8 hours a day. What if I miss something?? What if I miss a first time?? I know that this will be harder on me than her. She will probably be happy as can be and I will be crying my eyes out. I am trying to prepare myself but I don't think I can fully until the day comes. I am struggling with so many emotions (it's a roller coaster ) in my brain and heart right now. I think it will truly help me to jump start getting back into shape and taking time for myself. I am struggling with that right now. I know I need to take time for me but it is hard to leave Nora, I just want to soak up every minute with her before missing the majority of her days. She is in the greatest of hands when July 30th comes around and she will probably get sick of me checking on her but that's ok. Lol We shall see how this goes....

3 months (Nora)

I can't believe Nora is 3 months old already. It is flying by so quickly. Soon I will be going back to work and not getting to spend these days with her. She is growing so fast. I can't believe how much she has changed in this short time.

*She loves to hold her head up and look at everything around her. She doesn't like to miss a minute of the day.
*She enjoys sleeping in her big girl crib at night time now. (So much easier on momma and daddy.)
      She is usually going down around 10 and waking up between 6 and 7! YEAH!!
*She is rolling from her belly to her back more often now. It is so neat to watch her do this. She kind of gets scared.
*She is smiling, cooing, and talking non-stop. She is very vocal that it is Nora's way or the highway. LOL
*She just started trying to move around when doing tummy time. (Crawling is going to come way to fast for this momma)
*I hear that she looks like her daddy everyday. (With my eyes)
* She is 10lbs. 15oz. and gaining slowly.

Just hanging out in my play gym :) 

I love to sit up and watch everything! 

Mom? Why are you taking my picture again? 

I love to chew on my hands and fingers these days. It is all that I do!

What a face?

Just hanging out with my shades on. 

Sleeping away...this was from awhile ago but I had to put it in. 

All dressed up for Chelsea's wedding. 

Walking with momma :) 

Embracing Change

When I first found out I was pregnant, I begin to "look" into the future and imagine what it would be like when this little one arrived. I pictured hanging out at home, taking walks as a family, going out and about during the day, and just being "us."

It's funny how you don't think about the fact that you can't just get up and go work out or run an errand without it taking 30min or longer to get ready to walk out the door. Nora has decided that it is her way and that's that. I know everyone says that babies will adapt to you and your schedule. Nora does ok with this most days but then I feel we pay for it later. Her evenings are the hardest. Probably because of her colic and tummy issues but I just want to feel like its ok to have someone stay with her so we have feel like adults sometimes. Embracing the change in this part of life has been surprising to me. I am an on the go person and Nora has made me slow down and take it all in. She is 11 weeks old and soon I will go back to work and not have these days with her.


 In the physical aspect of things I thought I would have all of the normal things to come with pregnancy: weight gain, swollen hands and feet, eating more than normal, and hopefully not the dreaded stretch marks!

Before becoming pregnant I was working out and had run the mini for the first time in May. You know me and I am not a runner. When I started training for the mini I couldn't even run a full mile. Very embarrassing to admit but it got me in shape and happy with the way I looked. Well during pregnancy I got the weight gain (I know very normal) and the swollen feet and hands came late in the game. I was so happy that my belly had done great and there were not stretch marks to be seen. Well that changed over night and probably in the 36/37th week of my pregnancy. OMG!! I had made it this far and now they were popping up everywhere. I swear they doubled in amount and size when I entered the hospital to have Nora. I didn't realize how much they would effect me until after delivery and it set in that they weren't going anywhere. It probably didn't help that I had been laying in bed since Wednesday evening, been in labor for 36 hours, and then had a C-Section.  Then had to deal with the recovery process of major surgery and having a newborn that depended completely on myself and her dad. They are still there and I see them everyday. They are getting smaller and lighter in color but they will never truly go away. This means for summer swim suit season I will be buying a one piece or a 2 piece that covers my stomach. I know I should not be upset about these because they came about because of them I got  this precious little girl that I love so much, but it is hard not to be a little upset that they are there. It makes me feel less beautiful and I am trying to work through it because I do not want Nora to ever have a negative self-image or see her parents feel that way either.

I know that it takes time to adjust to this different body and life but its hard  that I still can't wear my wedding ring, or my "old" clothes (which I don't know if those are going on these hips anyway).


So over the past week I have been soul searching, if you want to call it that. I know that the only way to see change is to create it myself. So that is what I need to do. I need to learn to ask for help and realize it is ok if something doesn't get done today. I need to take care of myself and if that means asking someone to watch Nora so I can go to the gym then so be it. I need to be a happy mommy and wife to take care of my family. I need to know that it is ok for me to take time for myself and take time for my husband and I to be a couple as well. Nora is a growing and happy (90%of the time) little girl and she will be ok without me for an hour or so.

I need to learn to embrace this life, body, and mind that God has blessed me with and make it amazing!

A little Nora update

Nora is 9 weeks old! I can't believe it. Last week we had our 2 month check up at the doctor and shots. :( I think mom cried more than her. She is 10lbs. 2oz. and 23 and quarter inches long. She is now taking medicine for acid re flu, this is helping so much. It doesn't taste very good but we make it work.  We have moved to mostly 3 month clothes and started using some size 1 diapers. (stop growing young lady geeesh!!!)

She is starting to smile and coo at Michel and I. It is sooo cute!! We are starting to get in a little routine. I am really hoping she starts to sleep through the night soon. It would be a blessing on mine and daddy's sleeping routine. Here are some pictures of the princess :

Happy 2 months to me! Hanging out in my big girl bed!

Mom I don't know about this tummy time thing. I can't see anything really. 

Lady STOP taking my picture and hold me! 

Napping on daddy's pillow..o so sleepy! 

Mother-Daughter Relationships

It seems that I cannot shut my brain off these days. I try my hardest to do so but it just doesn't happen very often. Everyone tells me to sleep when Nora sleeps but as I sit here watching her on the video screen I am awake. I am writing out my thoughts instead. 

Nora is now 9 weeks old. I cannot believe where the time has gone. I feel as if each days slips by faster and faster. Even though she is small I can't help but feel this amazing connection with her. If someone else is holding her she is looking for me and listening for my voice. Her smiles are so precious that they make my heart skip a little beat each time I see one. (Which is becoming more often!) This feeling and some things I have witnessed over the past few days have made me want to write about mother/daughter relationships. 

I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and she is one of my best friends. We talk multiple times a day and she is a person that I strive to be on many levels. She works hard to support and love her family. I want to be this way for Nora as her and I both grow in this new relationship/friendship. My mom and I have of course had our ups and downs (which is normal for any teenage girl and her mother) but in time I have seen that all she did was for a reason: and that reason is ME. To help me become the wife, mother, sister, friend and person I am today. I so badly want this journey with Nora to turn out this way. I know we will have ups and downs but it is for her best interest that they will happen. I lay awake at night and watch her and think: How will we be when she grows up? Will she be proud that I am her mom? Will she trust that she can come to me with her problems and talk about them with me? Will we enjoy doing things together when she becomes a teenager?

My promise to her: that everyday I will show her love, respect, and care for her to the best of my ability. That she will know that she is loved and beautiful always. That she can trust in me and confide in me whenever she needs. 

Being mommy and trying to make it all work!

This is us. The Paff Family. Michael, myself, Luci, and Nora (pictured above in my belly). We have been a family of four for a little over 6 weeks now. It is crazy to think that we were just a family of three doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted and now it has all changed. Nora is a wonderful blessing in my life and I didn't realize how much love you could have for someone who is so small. Everyday is a roller coaster of emotions and activities. No two days are alike. This makes for some interesting moments for me.

You always have this picture of what motherhood is going to be and how you will react to it. Well, I have completely thrown that picture out the window. I have worked with children all of my life and this experience is nothing compared to those moments. Being a mommy to Nora is by far the hardest and greatest thing I have ever done in my life. It is crazy to think that I carried and nurtured this little girl for nine months and then she enters into the world in a wild fashion and they just send her home with me. The first day we were home I will never forget walking into the house and taking Nora to her room and just standing there and thinking to myself, "what do I do next?" We figured out the next thing and keep taking it one day at a time. I am so grateful for all of our friends and family that have visited, cooked, or just plain sat with me in the past six weeks. You will never truly know how much it means to us!

 When I found out I was pregnant I decided that I was going to breastfeed 100% and nothing was going to stand in my way. In the past six weeks, lots of things have stood in my way. We have had weight issues, supplementing, and crying sessions (by both of us). Breastfeeding has been on of the hardest parts for me. I went into it thinking this will be simple and she will nurse and grow. It has not been the case and has been the cause of some very emotional moments in my household. It was very hard to face the fact that Nora had to supplement with formula because of her weight loss. I felt like a failure to her because I could not provide her with what she needed. Michael helped me with this so much because I now know that either way she is getting what she needs to grow and that is most important. We are still having to give her a bottle with each feeding but I would say that 90% of it is BM now and that makes me feel good. There are times where I have wanted to give up and just let her have formula but we are still fighting through it. My goal is to make it to her 2 month check up and review the situation then. I have debated to pump only but I feel that I would miss the relationship we have created through nursing. Taking this relationship away from her causes me to feel guilt. I am torn. This issue is on my mind daily and probably more of a cause of tiredness than Nora is right now. I want to do what is best for my sweet girl but sometimes I question my sanity in it.

Here are some pictures of  little miss: These are some of her newborn pictures taken by a friend of ours! I love them and will treasure them forever. She doesn't even look like this baby anymore.

Nora is now 6 weeks old! I can't believe how time has flown by. She is incredible and changing daily. She is an amazing little one and we are so lucky to have her in our lives.

Somethings that I want to remember: 
*She has started to smile and it the cutest thing!
*She loves to be wrapped in the Moby or ring sling.
*She enjoys being outside (even with her little allergies).
*She has to know what is going on around her at all times. Her head control is amazing!
*She could care less about her puppy Luci and Luci could care less about her. (I was a hot mess worrying about this)
*Her snuggles are the highlight of my day.
*She cannot stand being naked, having her diaper changed, or taking a bath. (Mike says the being naked thing needs to stay this way so he doesn't have to hurt someone later in life)